Life is short. Try to do the best you can, almost always.
We are going to pull the plug on my eighty-six year old father today. M y father traveled the world, and brought me along with him in many instances. No one is perfect. Having a perfect father, well going back to my generation, and beyond, usually not even close. Many men were different back then.
Well, we did turn off the machine yesterday, and he continued to breath on his own for twelve hours, until he passed early this morning. He had coded out the day before, and that should have been it, but they worked on him for ten minutes to get him going, again. Not sure who approved that, but at least I somewhat got to say goodbye and apologize to him for all the bullshit my brother had him go through, as a weak, old man, with cancer and dementia, and more importantly see the process, and watch him fight, and struggle. To see the birth of my daughter, and almost see the death of my father. This is when life becomes full circle. Something everyone should experience with feelings, and detached to absorb it all. Life is fragile and precious, and life is fleeting.
My dad had a real winner for a father. Apparently he drank a quart of whiskey a day at some point. When we were in the states, my brothers and I would see him roughly five minutes every summer, when he would come downstairs, and sic his dog on us, and then go back up stairs. My grandmother's was a sweetheart, but that was a couple of hours. Can't even imagine growing up in that household. Not to say my uncles and aunt were some of the very best and kindest people I have ever known. He once told Rocky Marciano, who was World Champ at that time, and who my uncle beat up in grade school, to get off his lawn, and leave, so my dad could finish his work. My dad was an improvement, but was an asshole much of his life, to my mother, my brothers and me, and my sister. I lost most respect for him a very long time ago as a young boy probably around age six, and his opinion mattered little to me. He didn't factor much, or at all in the confidence I developed on my own, or the responsible and self-reliant men that me and two of my brothers became. When you are the oldest you take the brunt of things. But, he was still my father. You can't pick your family. Most of my brothers and I accepted him back in our lives, because that is what you do. Working overseas, and getting remarried twice can certainly alienate kids. Technology was far different back then.
My father made me want to be the best, and most supportive father I can be. And it is what I actually do best. It is the most important job that real men should aspire to. Your kids will be your only living legacy once you are gone.
Traits I got from my father; not having the time to put up with bullshit, stupid people, and their actions. Intelligence. A work attitude second to none, and trying not to miss any work. He missed one day, due to a kidney stone. He sent my mother to the hospital to deliver me by herself, until his boss caught wind, and made him leave work, to go to the hospital. And of course, being a hardhead. And, some decent genetics. Honest, and not braking the law, other than speeding, and getting away from some cops with terrible driving skills. :-) Oh, and the bullshit of organized religion.
My father made it past the point where he should have been living alone. He also made it past the point of invasive surgeries and anesthesia. I voiced my opinion about all these things to my siblings, esp. my idiot, overly optimistic brother, who proclaimed but Dad can live another ten years! Honestly, he probably cut my father's life short by three years, A life where the quality of life was quickly waning. if he didn't die from dementia. We all go sometime. I explained that getting all your teeth pulled out, getting a Cochlear implant, getting radiation and chemo all within in a year was hard enough on a young person, let alone a tired eighty-six year old man, with declining mental health.
Get everything in writing, and make sure your kids/family know your wishes. Be sure to ban the sensitive kids you have, from dragging your life out, to have senseless operations, or even have those folks visit you in the room. Some people can't help themselves. My brother had unrealistic hope until the very end. Selfish!
My father waited for my brother to leave, so he could pass. My brother couldn't shut up the entire time he was with my father. My wife had recently asked my father who he wanted to live with? It certainly wasn't me, because I am a hardhead, so he didn't even answer when she asked about me. He wanted to live with one of my other brothers. When she asked him about my goody two shoes brother, he said absolutely not because he put him through so much stuff. My father who absolutely did not believe in God and the foolishness of it, had to listen to my brother, while he was trapped in a body, tell him how he was going to go to Heaven, and see Jesus, and all his dead family. Can you imagine having to listen to that bullshit on your deathbed? My brother couldn't help himself.
Make all your wishes clear, even if it means banning well-,meaning children and relatives from being anywhere near you when it is time to go. Life is far too short to put up with unnecessary bullshit. ;-)
My dad got to see all of his children grow up, without losing one along the way. We got to share our kids with him. He had a rough childhood but ended up having an amazing life. Traveling and living around the world, He was also stupid enough to marry three different women. But, you can't pick your family, just as you can't learn grom making your own mistakes, along the way. Always take the path less traveled, and have a sense of adventure. Life is short.
We are going to pull the plug on my eighty-six year old father today. M y father traveled the world, and brought me along with him in many instances. No one is perfect. Having a perfect father, well going back to my generation, and beyond, usually not even close. Many men were different back then.
Well, we did turn off the machine yesterday, and he continued to breath on his own for twelve hours, until he passed early this morning. He had coded out the day before, and that should have been it, but they worked on him for ten minutes to get him going, again. Not sure who approved that, but at least I somewhat got to say goodbye and apologize to him for all the bullshit my brother had him go through, as a weak, old man, with cancer and dementia, and more importantly see the process, and watch him fight, and struggle. To see the birth of my daughter, and almost see the death of my father. This is when life becomes full circle. Something everyone should experience with feelings, and detached to absorb it all. Life is fragile and precious, and life is fleeting.
My dad had a real winner for a father. Apparently he drank a quart of whiskey a day at some point. When we were in the states, my brothers and I would see him roughly five minutes every summer, when he would come downstairs, and sic his dog on us, and then go back up stairs. My grandmother's was a sweetheart, but that was a couple of hours. Can't even imagine growing up in that household. Not to say my uncles and aunt were some of the very best and kindest people I have ever known. He once told Rocky Marciano, who was World Champ at that time, and who my uncle beat up in grade school, to get off his lawn, and leave, so my dad could finish his work. My dad was an improvement, but was an asshole much of his life, to my mother, my brothers and me, and my sister. I lost most respect for him a very long time ago as a young boy probably around age six, and his opinion mattered little to me. He didn't factor much, or at all in the confidence I developed on my own, or the responsible and self-reliant men that me and two of my brothers became. When you are the oldest you take the brunt of things. But, he was still my father. You can't pick your family. Most of my brothers and I accepted him back in our lives, because that is what you do. Working overseas, and getting remarried twice can certainly alienate kids. Technology was far different back then.
My father made me want to be the best, and most supportive father I can be. And it is what I actually do best. It is the most important job that real men should aspire to. Your kids will be your only living legacy once you are gone.
Traits I got from my father; not having the time to put up with bullshit, stupid people, and their actions. Intelligence. A work attitude second to none, and trying not to miss any work. He missed one day, due to a kidney stone. He sent my mother to the hospital to deliver me by herself, until his boss caught wind, and made him leave work, to go to the hospital. And of course, being a hardhead. And, some decent genetics. Honest, and not braking the law, other than speeding, and getting away from some cops with terrible driving skills. :-) Oh, and the bullshit of organized religion.
My father made it past the point where he should have been living alone. He also made it past the point of invasive surgeries and anesthesia. I voiced my opinion about all these things to my siblings, esp. my idiot, overly optimistic brother, who proclaimed but Dad can live another ten years! Honestly, he probably cut my father's life short by three years, A life where the quality of life was quickly waning. if he didn't die from dementia. We all go sometime. I explained that getting all your teeth pulled out, getting a Cochlear implant, getting radiation and chemo all within in a year was hard enough on a young person, let alone a tired eighty-six year old man, with declining mental health.
Get everything in writing, and make sure your kids/family know your wishes. Be sure to ban the sensitive kids you have, from dragging your life out, to have senseless operations, or even have those folks visit you in the room. Some people can't help themselves. My brother had unrealistic hope until the very end. Selfish!
My father waited for my brother to leave, so he could pass. My brother couldn't shut up the entire time he was with my father. My wife had recently asked my father who he wanted to live with? It certainly wasn't me, because I am a hardhead, so he didn't even answer when she asked about me. He wanted to live with one of my other brothers. When she asked him about my goody two shoes brother, he said absolutely not because he put him through so much stuff. My father who absolutely did not believe in God and the foolishness of it, had to listen to my brother, while he was trapped in a body, tell him how he was going to go to Heaven, and see Jesus, and all his dead family. Can you imagine having to listen to that bullshit on your deathbed? My brother couldn't help himself.
Make all your wishes clear, even if it means banning well-,meaning children and relatives from being anywhere near you when it is time to go. Life is far too short to put up with unnecessary bullshit. ;-)
My dad got to see all of his children grow up, without losing one along the way. We got to share our kids with him. He had a rough childhood but ended up having an amazing life. Traveling and living around the world, He was also stupid enough to marry three different women. But, you can't pick your family, just as you can't learn grom making your own mistakes, along the way. Always take the path less traveled, and have a sense of adventure. Life is short.
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