2011 ~ 2012 - The Beginning or the End? (Diagnosed with Lung Cancer)

[TRUEYOUTRUEME]

This is not easy for me to share. On November 23rd I was told that I had numerous spots on my lungs and then scheduled for a Pet Scan and a bronchoscopy. On December 13th I was diagnosed as having Stage IV NSCLC (Lung Cancer). It is spread across both lungs and some of my lymph nodes and may be just touching the top of my stomach. A brain MRI showed no cancer in the brain though which is at least some good news.

This diagnosis is very not good. It is considered incurable and I am not given long to live by doctors.

It was back around August or so when the bottom really started to drop out with my health. I remember walking out of my house one day and thinking to myself that I was really screwed, the pain I was feeling was really bad. I have been a heavy smoker throughout times of my life as well as a heavy beer drinker and the smoking was causing a lot of pain in my chest and I was noticing loss of breathe heavy for the first time, numbness in my arms as well.

On September 19th, I stopped smoking cigarettes. I was already 118 days alcohol free at that time. I have been using the A.A. program and also the Nicotine Anomynous program to help me abstain from these things and to also help change myself and my life. So far I am incredibly grateful and feel blessed that I have these Anomynous fellowships in my life.

If not for this diagnosis that I have I would say that 2011 has been one of the greatest years of my life. It has been an absolutely magical year. Of course it all started with listening to 'The Living Tree' on New Years Day (my album 'True') and musically the year was filled with incredible new music and some of the most amazing incredible concerts but also the spirituality I have experienced with the Anomynous fellowships (the church of the Alcoholic), and living with my daughter Emily, a really magical birthday with amazing gifts both financially and spiritually, some amazing mathematical discoveries I have made and new art work that I created, songs I have wrote and the list goes on and on as to how wonderfull 2011 has been for me.

I have no intention of quitting Life. I absolutely love Life!!!! I feel as if I am being guided and that I should have Hope.

I had thought of posting about this here at Yesfans earlier but it is not such an easy thing to share and I have kept putting it off. I have to say that since I found this out I have also never been as busy as I have since. My plate is full and then some every single day. But I have been 'TRUEYOUTRUEME' here for quite some time and I do truely love this place and everyone else here. I feel like it is the right thing to do to share this news here. I have to admit though that I found it to be very ironic that I had spent so much time in a tread called 'Delete' throughout 2011. Now I either have to 'Delete' the cancer or it may delete me.

So... how am I doing since I have found out this news? Well I haven't really cried at all. Somehow I am still very positive and I am dealing with this very well. I intend on beating this 100% but I also feel ready to deal with this either way. More then anything else I pray for purpose. I am very grateful for the Miracle of this Life and all of the Blessings I have been given in it.

I had my first chemo treatment last Friday. The reason it took so long to start was mostly because I had all of my bottom teeth pulled first. Yikes! Honestly it went very well... So far I am doing rather well with everything considering all of this. I haven't even taken any of the nausea medicine yet. But I do get daily pains and some are frightening, get some fatigue, have had some digestive problems, and some weakness in the legs at times. There are also many ways that I feel like I am healing. Many symptoms I had at the start are gone. I still look good so far. I also am still working. My nutrition is getting much better.

I am getting alot of great support as well from my family. My daughter moved back home with me after living in Kentucky for six months and she is great. People within the Anomynous fellowships have been great as well. I am no longer with Rita though and my best friend Alec moved to Denver but both have given support to me and the changes are for the best. Only a few people at my work know right now about this but they have been very supportive and loving as well.

Then of course my team the Giants recently won as well. I went to watch my first Giant game this year on Christmas Eve at my Mom's house. I thought to myself then that I would like to come down every weekend (hour and half drive) and watch the Giants with my family (quality time) being I watched the entire 1991 season and Super Bowl win there with them. Plus I have no television at all at home. I prayed for a Giants Superbowl this year and it happened!!!! ALL IN! It was such an incredible and magical memory for me to share such joy with my stepfather Pat and my Mom and my sister as well. From 7 and 7 to a magical 6 game run to become Champions.

In my Life I have spent a lot of the past 12 years or so in pain. I had three lung collapses at a young age and then lung surgery and I remember back around the year 2000 when I was having a lot of chest pain and thinking I was going to die. It was at that time I was reading MayaCosmoGenesis and about the year 2012..... about the pyramids, the Galatic center and the Milky Way and learning how one pyramid would go off like an alarm clock in the summer of 2012 and I rememeber talking to God and the Universe and saying that I had to make it to 2012. The Mayan End of Mankind. Very strange how symptoms I had way back then seem to be the same as this now. This is all too strange for me in some ways.



I am very sorry though to have to lay such a heavy and sad post down here at Yesfans about my Life. Please understand that I am dealing with this very well and that I am very optimistic and positive so I hope that no one here is caused to be hurt over sadness by this news. I Love Everyone here at Yesfans! Be Good!!! Be True!!!

Gaery Tree

[Chefstarship]

One day at a time True.....your story made me smile......thats right smile,cause you are living and connecting,and your music is beautiful, so.......live and love for as long as you can. Dale

[relayerjim]

Gary,
I was listening to "Unbroken Spirit" as I stared reading this. By the time it finished "The Living Tree" was playing.
I wish you the best, Gary! I've seen miracles in my life.
-God bless

[TRUEYOUTRUEME]

One day at a time True.....your story made me smile......thats right smile,cause you are living and connecting,and your music is beautiful, so.......live and love for as long as you can. Dale

Thanks Dale! I am smiling as well. Living and loving every moment and truely grateful for that.

I hope to get out next weekend and see Jon Anderson live (hearing 'Open this weekend for the first time) and I am also exicted about a possible new Yes tour with the new singer coming soon I hope.

[TRUEYOUTRUEME]

Gary,
I was listening to "Unbroken Spirit" as I stared reading this. By the time it finished "The Living Tree" was playing.
I wish you the best, Gary! I've seen miracles in my life.
-God bless

Thanks Jim. I have listened to 'Unbroken Spirit' a few times since this news hit me. It is a beautiful song and its message is good for me. Life can be fragile for all of us and we all need miracles! God Bless!

[True Believer]

Very sorry to hear your news, Gary, but you have such a positive attitude!

I wish you the best.

[JL]

I'm really pleased to hear that you have been staying sober through all of this! I had a good feeling about your prospects because I got a sense of humility and a willingness to keep an open mind in our last communication on the subject--qualities which I have found over the years are essential. That said, to stay sober and stay positive with the current turn of events in your life is huge, and inspirational.

I'd appreciate your permission to tell some new members about what you are facing, and that you are staying sober while doing so. I believe it will help addicted Brothers and Sisters.

[cinderella]

Lots of ((((((hugs))))))) to you Garry.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Olorin]

Very sorry to hear such news! I wish you all the best!

[rePete]

Gary - I'm genuinely sorry to read this news. I find your attitude and outlook incredibly powerful - I believe that is exactly the single greatest factor in allowing a person to overcome. I wish you all you need to move forward, and I am sending positive energy your way.

[the greenman]

Gary, I'm sad to read your post - must have taken a lot to write that, to share it with us here. Kind of puts all the trivial nonsense we whitter on about in here into perspective...

But it sounds like you have a positive spirit & I wish you well with your fight. For what it's worth, I'll uphold you in my thoughts & prayers.

Never give up - like Jim says, miracles can happen :))

[tommc]

Garry your post is truly inspiring. Continue listening to the good music and keep the positive attitude. With what you are going thru your outlook on life is amazing. Good thoughts and prayers heading your way.

[RobAdams]

Gary, this is so very sad. My wife and I will keep you in our prayers. Hopefully you will make it through. Miracles do indeed happen.

[TRUEYOUTRUEME]

Very sorry to hear your news, Gary, but you have such a positive attitude!

I wish you the best.

Thanks Anne. I honestly feel really blessed that I do have a positive attitude right now. For an entire year leading up to me getting this news it seemed that every single thing was going 100% great for me, amazingly great even. Because of that I was able to stay 100% positive. I hate to think what it may be like if my year leading up to this wasnt as good as it was.

I'm really pleased to hear that you have been staying sober through all of this! I had a good feeling about your prospects because I got a sense of humility and a willingness to keep an open mind in our last communication on the subject--qualities which I have found over the years are essential. That said, to stay sober and stay positive with the current turn of events in your life is huge, and inspirational.

I'd appreciate your permission to tell some new members about what you are facing, and that you are staying sober while doing so. I believe it will help addicted Brothers and Sisters.

Thanks John. A while back you had posted here and shared with me some of the trouble you had about 90 days in or so in order to tell me to be prepared and I never got to thank you but your advice did help out being I had a similiar experience. It helped knowing you warned me about it so I could get past it. Thanks.

I agree that staying sober and positive is huge. I have told people that I feel that I might be dead right now if it wasn't for the fellowship and for the fact that I was no longer using nicotine and alcohol. Instead I have a really great support system of really incredible people in my Life and feel free from the intense shame and guilt I would possibly feel if I was still using with my body so intensly damaged.

The word 'Open' right now is huge in my Life being that I strive to be open to all change. To have an open heart to others around me as well. You and I John have had one heck of a turbulent history here at Yesfans and it makes me feel really good though that we could now also still get along. It means alot to have your support and that we have even more of a connection too that is postive.... so yes you have my permission and I hope that my story could help others. I am thinking of doing the H.U.S.S.H commitment being that I think I may have something to offer others in that way.

Lots of ((((((hugs))))))) to you Garry.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thank you so much Cindy! I really do appreciate all prayers for me right now.

I actually started to pray alot more about six months before I found this out and I still do with probably even more intensity now. I pray for everyone here at Yesfans as well being I consider everyone here to be like family for me. Life is never easy for any of us and we all need prayers. Lots of to you Cindy.

Very sorry to hear such news! I wish you all the best!

Thank you Olorin. I very much appreciate the wishes and support.

[luvyesmusic]

Garry, add me to the long list of people that love you.

I agree with everyone above and will just add that Life is a gift. I knew you were going through some struggles but had no idear, how bad/challenging. You have been in my thoughts for awhile now. Stay strong, be strong. I know there is no guarantees so I enjoy as much as I can every single day. I always thought I would die at a young age by a " death by mis-adventure" or by jealous boyfriends or husbands. ;-) All I know is that anyone makes it out of their youth is fortunate and I've been lately telling folks that having or getting things is a testament to making it this far.

I'm pretty sure that there are not some "good things" down the road looking at averages for me but enjoying what you have in the now is what it should be about. Thank you for sharing your life's greatest challenge. I am thrilled you get to spend time with your grown daughter. My daughter certainly adds to me living and enjoying my life everyday and having something to look forward to no matter what the challenges Life throws my way. Garry, if there is one positive way to look at things is that you know, you have time to do things and more importantly reach out to those you love and they to you. Many folks lives are snuffed out without having those opportunities.

I love you, brother Garry! Stay strong and if you ever need yet another set of ears or someone else to talk to, I am here for you.

Rob

[Mind Driver]

This makes me sad, but your attitude about it reverses that feeling. You and I have not had a turbulent relationship on this site, and I know with your attitude and energy to beat this, that relationship will last a long time.

Positive feelings and prayers going your way.

[Altres]

Garry, I'd like to extend my sincere sympathy but positive thoughts for what challenges you face in the future. I am quite shocked to read about this, I wish you every chance for a full recovery.

Love and compassion to you Garry, I wish you all the strength you need to see a bright and vibrant future.

Brian

[Camphire]

Gary, I am saddened by this news. So very sorry.
Thank you for taking the time to explain to us. That can’t have been easy.
I like your attitude. You have a good fighting spirit there.
May you recover! God be with you.
X

[MasterOfPuppets]

I'm sorry to hear the news, but you will be in my prayers. Keep your attitude the same, it will help you a lot!

[kirk]

Gar, I'm at a loss for words, and you of all YFs should know how often that happens.
Be positive, be strong, enjoy each day to it's fullest. That's all any of us can do.

We'll be here for you.

Hugs, Bro.