What made you laugh today? pt 2

[luvyesmusic]

Listening to a co-worker who is up to his neck in debt telling me what he would buy if he won the lottery. The guy would still end up broke in "no time". LOL

[luvyesmusic]

Something "stupid" as usual. I was talking with a co-worker who I use to work with over 20 years ago ( we are working together again, which is kinda of cool) and he was talking about how when he bought the Firehouse album/c.d. back sometime in the 80's he thought the name of the group was Firehose until he really read it carefully. What an idiot. LOL

[luvyesmusic]

Went to lunch at Hooter's yesterday with a friend ( probably been a good 10 years since I've eaten in one). There was a Hummer parked outside and as luck would have it, the owner and his buddy were also sitting further down at the bar. The waitress says, " So, you drive a Hummer, how much did you pay for it? ". He tells here and I say, " I never have to pay for my "hummers." Made myself laugh.

[gathernear]

Louis' new avatar, The Wolf!

[relayeire]

Louis' new avatar, The Wolf!

So should we call him Louis or Lupus (which means wolf)?

[Sheerah]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach ," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes , "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery,and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work...
The ass hole is usually in charge.

[Sheerah]

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear...do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE........!!"

[Sheerah]

I was in Starbuck's recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me!
And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod………

[gathernear]

So should we call him Louis or Lupus (which means wolf)?

It's also a disease, so maybe not.

[Camphire]

An invoice from a business called "Fix My Rim"

[yesyadda]

An invoice from a business called "Fix My Rim"

This morning, I dropped my car off to be detailed.
I asked that when they shampoo the carpet, it doesn't come back smelling like a New Orleans wh0re house.

He gave me a funny look LOL.

[Sheerah]

A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, "Jerry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Jerry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Jerry's wife. "Ginger," he says, "Jerry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

"OH GOOD GRIEF!" Ginger exclaims, "He's peeing in the fridge again!"

[bob_32_116]

An invoice from a business called "Fix My Rim"

Coming after the immediately previous post, this cracked me up.

[ParallelsDewCross]

allz i know is this smile won't stop as it comes from you OoOooh yes 'n you 'n you 'n you... <3

[gathernear]

allz i know is this smile won't stop as it comes from you OoOooh yes 'n you 'n you 'n you... <3

Welcome!...

[rmig68]

These...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DF46uhBj4c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwcVJ...eature=related

[luvyesmusic]

Two things. My co-worker who tries to convert me on a daily basis told me today, "You would make a good Christian". Sure I would. ;-)

Driving home a witnessed a large black poodle or poodle-mix on a jailbreak. You should have seen the look on his face; nervousness, happiness and not sure what to do, all wrapped up in one and then he glanced over at me. He was excited. There was a woman who pulled over behind him while he was running who called the police and seconds later there was the local constable driving in that direction, so I'm sure it turned out all right or will.

[rePete]

These...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DF46uhBj4c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwcVJ...eature=related

Holy crap - he looks like Chris.

[Mostly Harmless]

Holy crap - he looks like Chris.

I think I've even seen Chris wearing boots like that!

[rePete]

I think I've even seen Chris wearing boots like that!

Actually, I think I have too!